Thinking About the Moms
I’ve been thinking about the moms this week.
On Monday, I had the joy of making a house call to two new moms in our congregation and coo over their 10-day-old bundle of delight. On Sunday, a couple of our musical offerings will be from or about Mary, Jesus’ mom. This weekend, I’ll miss out on the All-Church Workday because I’ll be on our monthly trip to my mom’s adult family home. I’ve been looking at old photos of her, such as the header photo taken the year she began to lose her memory.
I envy those for whom Mother’s Day is not an emotionally complex affair (if any such person exists)! I love the opportunity to purposefully celebrate and honor those who mother amongst us. However, as a pastor - and as a person - I know that this day carries a lot more than that.
Because…
Some of our moms were or are remarkable. Some of our moms have died. Some, like my mom, are terribly sick or in the process of dying. Some of our moms were not good mothers, having needed parenting themselves. Some of our moms have been steadfast and wise anchors for us. Some of our moms kicked us out of the home. Some of our moms were or are addicted, or emotionally unavailable, or mentally unwell. Some of our moms mothered not only us, but the whole neighborhood! Some of our moms have passed on their own various issues onto us.
Some of us are moms and having a rough go of it. Some of us are moms who have lost children. Some of us want to be moms but are not. Some of us are happy with our choices about mothering (whether raising children or not), but still feel a bit odd on days like this one. Some of us have birthed children who have been adopted into other families. Some of us have fostered or adopted the children of others into our families. Some of us are moms trying not to pass our own various issues onto our children.
There is something about moms, whether we are one or we have one, that is just plain complicated. A minefield of great joys and deep wounds. What are we to do with it?
The subversive origins of the day add a fun twist to the usual emotional tumult. Contrary to the many greeting cards and brunches now dedicated to it, Mother’s Day itself has spicier roots: honoring “a progressive feminist, inclusive, non-violent vision for world community” (Diana Butler Bass).
44 years before Mother’s Day was signed into law, the call for women to enter into non-violent political resistance was issued by Julia Ward Howe through her 1870 poem, A Mother’s Day Proclamation:
Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts! Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly...
"Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, But of God –
Many other women took up the mantle from Howe, activists and community organizers in their own right. They fought for clean water and sanitation for women and children, as well as universal access to medicine for the poor. These women cared not only about those living under their own roof, but all in the community who needed nurture.
From the start, Mother’s Day has been about far more than one’s relationship with their mom(s) – if you have any – and about far more than one’s relationship with their child(ren) – if you have any. It is a day in which the care of the community is placed at the fore of our minds and we are reminded that to honor the strong women on whose shoulders we stand, no matter our relation, we are to be lovers of peace, to seek justice, and to care for all of God’s children.
That, I can do. Through the gladness and the grief, I can share in that work this Mother’s Day. Will you join me?
With joy, gratitude, and care,
Pastor Karyn